Now Hiring

In a business like ours, where the employees are paid minimum wage and get to work around ice cream all day, we get lots of applications.  Kids think this job will be easy and fun, but are shocked to find how involved and "difficult" it can be.  We are currently hiring for an assistant manager, which got me to thinking about all the funny applications or situations I come across, so for your reading pleasure:

• A kid came in to pick up an application, wearing a graphic T-shirt that said "JAIL"  and had an inmate number on it.  Really?  Don't you think I'm interviewing you right then and there?
• I had a sign posted saying we were hiring for an assistant manager.  A high schooler asked me how old you had to be to work here.  I told her 16, then she asked if one could be 16 and apply for the assistant manager position.
• During an interview, I ask "Describe a stressful situation and how you handled it"  I had one kid tell me that his girlfriend had cheated on him with his best friend.  "They didn't have sex or anything.  They just made out cuz they were drunk."  That's called drama, not a stressful situation.  Plus saying stuff like that doesn't really impress your future boss.
• I had a 32 year old woman use the phrase, "grew a pair of balls" and pimp during her interview.  Not a good sign.
• On an application it asks, "Why would you like to work here?"  Someone wrote, "Yes."  I can understand their mis-reading it thinking it said, "Would you like to work here?"  But that is obviously the case since you are filling out an application, so you might want to re-read that.
• On the application it asks, "Describe a situation where you provided or received excellent customer service"  and someone wrote "as an host I seen a lot of smile from do a good Job."
• I had an applicant write that he was accused of "burgary"
• I also had an applicant write that they were self-employed and the reason they "quit" was because "there wasn't enough work"  That same person tried to pull me aside and get an interview when we had a line of people and the health inspector there.  He asked if we hire someone specifically to dress up as our store mascot so he could be around little kids.  Um, no.

So as you can see, the hiring process can be both hilarious and exausting!